10 ways to pursue your (fake) happiness

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Following your bliss, pursuing your happiness and finding your passion has never been more in fashion than right now.

I do thoroughly believe that you should continually dig deep inside and discover what makes your soul dance and then do that thing, it is just that overall, the pursuit of happiness can leave people constantly thinking that what they have right now doesn’t deserve an association with their happiness and that there is something better out there “waiting for them”.

This leads to a constant search of something that you had the whole time.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe one should definitely strive to be better. To give more and to not have to worry about when you are going to eat next or be able to pay the bills.

The pressure of always having to move forward and fit the expectation of society and those around you can be unnerving for some people. The truth is that some of the most interesting people I know don’t know what to do with their lives and that is totally OK.

There doesn’t HAVE to be an end game. There can be just a now game. To be able to just be in flow and live moment to moment. If that is what truly makes one happy.

The unfortunate reality is that what a lot of us end up doing is finding temporary happiness in temporary things only to momentarily hide our deeper sadness.

Funnily enough, we often do this in pursuit of what we think our happiness is.

So here are 10 ways to find your (fake) happiness:

1. Buy something you don’t need

It has been said that buying something to make you happy is like taping sandwiches to your body to satisfy hunger. It is novel but in reality rarely works in the long run

2. Make other people happy

Now this is a tough one but most of the time (and I said most) when you endeavor to make other people happy, they may become happy, but it isn’t often you that makes them happy as much as it is the mold you are fitting. Which, 9 times out of 10, isn’t the real you and can only really be sustained in the short term.

3. Get paid more

More money won't take away your money problems. More money often just makes you more of what you already are. If you aren’t able to budget 30K then budgeting 100K is just going to make the problem worse in the long run.

4. Blame someone else for your downfall

Put simply; you cannot blame someone and grow at the same time. Sometimes you do get fucked over, you still have to have the self-awareness to sit back and ask, “what role did I play in this?”

5. Ask yourself; “why does this always happen to me?”

Your brains answers are in direct correlation to the quality of the questions you ask it. Instead ask, “what action can I take to make sure this never happens again?”

6. Live up to other people’s expectations

It is a sure fire way to not only act outside of your values but to most likely disappoint people. Do you and the right people will accept that. The idea isn’t to make everyone happy but to be around people that are happy when you are unapologetically yourself.

7. Know your goals and never write them down

Success doesn’t happen by accident and the power of taking the action to write down what you want consistently allows you to better grasp what really is important to you. It is the ability to dig deep over time to learn to define success and happiness for you. 

8. Take what others say to heart

It’s not that you shouldn’t take the thoughts and words of those that matter on board. It is just that your own thoughts are far more powerful than anyone else’s words.

If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm ~ African Proverb.

9. Avoid hard conversations

The more difficult conversations you have, the less difficult conversations you have. People avoid having the hard conversations because they don’t like conflict. Not realising that avoiding difficult conversations creates conflict. Have the conversation, then move on.

10. look for it in someone else

Your happiness is not hidden in someone else. It is in the everyday moments. The warmth of the sun, the little wins in the gym, smiles from (or to) a stranger, seeing someone excited to see you. This can include someone that plays a role, just remember you were whole before them and if need be, you will be whole afterwards.

Happiness has never and will never be outside of you. As corny as it sounds, you get happiness by giving it. So be selfish and give it without a second thought or expectation of its return.

It is often that expectation that you will get it directly in return that disappoints us the most. Rather than keeping an individual tally for each person, put your trust in the universe to pay you accordingly. It knows whats up.

The search for happiness is an illusion. Kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel...

Because the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the illusion, the tunnel is.

Jon ShirleyComment